Liz Langley

       So - has anything especially fast, slow, theatrical, queeny, nostalgic, crowd-pleasing, hot, aerodynamic, silly or record-breaking ever happened in your bed? I’m going to give you the benefit of the doubt and say it has. So the difference between you and this event is that your spectacle (probably) didn’t happen in front of a mob of drunks on as glorious an April day as you could order out of a goddamn Hallmark calendar.       This was the scene at the    Fairvilla Megastore   Conch Republic Red Ribbon Bed Race  down Duval Street in Key West, a benefit for AIDS Help, which took place this past Saturday. More than 20 businesses participated in this charity goodf allism, racing real beds which must be a certain size, have a mattress, four wheels that touch the ground, four runners pushing and be manned or womaned by one person.             Once you get past the rules the cool thing is outfitting your bed for maximum creativity – there was a coffin bed and a bong bed, and pirate

       When you have good food, drinks, weather and company, a fabulous view of the rich turquoise sea and a sky so clear you’d swear it was in HD, you never imagine that that next minute the forces of good and evil could clash right before your eyes and that the skies would be filled with toilet paper.          This was the scene of the Bloody Battle, the re-enactment…kinda….of the day in 1982 when Key West declared itself the Conch Republic, seceded from the US, pelted federal agents with stale Cuban bread then surrendered and demanded $1 billion in foreign aid. The “kinda” is for the fact that in the Battle, the Conchs always roundly defeat the evil pretend oppressor. Yesterday afternoon the Conch Republic Navy and Airforce of clipper ships, sailboats, one yacht, a number of light aircraft --- and one boat with a crew holding a sign demanding “Clothing Optional Beaches” --- took on the Coast Guard Cutters…yes, the actual Coast Guard…in a major food fight on the high seas.          C

    “Somebody has to pick up Mel Fisher.”      “He’s dead.”       “Well, that doesn’t mean he can’t be in the parade.”      Mel Fisher   is the great Florida treasure hunter who discovered the wreck of the Atocha in 1985, bringing up over 40 tons of gold, silver and precious jewels and causing my mother to say “Today’s the day, I’m gonna find me a gold doubloon,” ten times an hour every time we went  to the beach. Fisher’s quest took many years and it’s a great story of a kind of adventure that seems almost gone from the world. Plus now that so many people are so down on their luck it feels even more important to know that the pot of gold doesn’t just come to the hero at the end of the movie; sometimes it happens in real life.             Mel Fisher is also still the official King of the World's Longest Parade  , one of the many celebrations going on during the Conch Republic Independence Celebration. And yes, Mel was in the parade.             It was Bill Murphy of Fairvilla Megas

There’s no better company to be in than that of a person who loves their job. Maxx Empire  seems as custom-built for his work as the masks he makes are for their potential owners. He’s a craftsman and a showman who takes his job personally, who invented this career because the one before it – jousting – was getting a little too painful. Anyone with that resume is worth getting to know.                   “It takes away all your inhibitions,” he says of the “fiercely whimsical” masks he hand makes out of custom tanned leathers and a litany of other materials, depending on what he wants or what you want: Swavorski crystals, feathers from non-endangered birds, wood, steel, precious metals and many others for clients that have included MTV and Cirque du Soliel. He also does a lot of conventions, like Dragon Con  in Atlanta, the biggest sci fi / fantasy / multi-media con in the US and loves watching the people who come into his tent.          “It’s so much fun to actually watch them try it o

Tommy. Altered States. Crimes of Passion. The Devils. Salome. The filmography of directorial legend Ken Russell is breath-taking and I was beside myself when Ken and his charming wife Lisi paid us a visit after their long morning at   Holyland Experience – we’ve seen his toys (especially in Crimes of Passion , written by my friend  Barry Sandler, which involves a murderous vibrator called The Cruise Missile) and we wanted him to enjoy ours.             We mention Aleister Crowley here – Mr. Russell’s upcoming project ‘Brave Tart and the Loch Ness Monster” is the story of Mr. Crowley and a Scottish prostitute and I’d hoped maybe he’d find some inspiration in some of the items we showed off (though he’s been doing fine so far). MAKE SURE YOU STICK AROUND TIL  THE END! You don’t want to miss Ken and the fetish shoes. I’m just sayin.   Srsly. OMG.   J     SPECIAL THANKS to my diehard videographer Matt Reyes – Twitter him @motorbikematt, to Christine Robinson, Barry Sandler, everyone

We talked yesterday about Vintage Smut from Fairvilla's Classics section and having fun at the Florida Film Festival  , the theme of which is “Forbidden Film.” Videographer Matt Reyes and I caught up with local legend Sam Singhaus (“Miss Sammy”), two-time Oscar nominee Bill Plympton ( Guard Dog, Idiots and Angels) and the festival’s own Jordana Meade to talk about their Forbidden Films on Italian Cinema night at Enzia and the fact that “forbidden” doesn’t always mean sexual. One of my Forbidden Films was “Life of Brian” which caused a storm on religious grounds and which I herein tell a 30 year-old memory  about sneaking into. It’s hazy but I remember having to get my friends (one boy, one girl) into the theater as I recall they were sailors, nice gusy who thought the whole thing was very funny. I’m so glad – “Life of Brian” is a classic and remains a favorite of mine to this day (I even ran out and bought the album fergoddsake, in the days before VHS). Thanks to Matt Reye

It’s nice to be able to remain a little mysterious. When I first posted our video “Heel Thyself!” all about the fantastic shoes available in Fairvilla Megastore's shoe department and said the first person who could guess which ones I actually bought would win a Fairvilla University t-shirt, I thought the whole process would take ten minutes. Having lived here a long time, being marginally social and having a job for the last 18 years that entails saying what I think about things a lot tends aerate all the mystery out of a person. Or so you’d think.   Maybe it’s because I’m a Scorpio – no matter how much you know about us we still have a few secrets up our sleeves and I was pleased that it took nearly a week and tons of guesses for the right answer to emerge. The winner is Sheree from Deltona who, on the first try, nailed the fact that I’d been coveting and finally got stunning black PVC black Ferocious boots by Ellie – if you click on the video they’re in the first