Toy Talk: Vibrators shaped like famous buildlings didn't fly? Really?

         If a sex toy company ever came up with a Wonka-like Golden Ticket promotion I’d make the quickest transformation to Veruca Salt you’ve ever seen, and not just for the hope of the free samples or inheriting the biz, ala Charlie Bucket. I love watching mass production – of candy, of records, of anything that drops off an assembly line in massive quantities. The surreal enormity of it always impresses me and as an American, for whom everything has always just come in packages, seeing how things actually get made is pretty fascinating stuff.

         This is doubly interesting when it comes to sex toys, first of all because they look hilarious coming off an assembly line (I've seen videos) and second because it's important to know what goes into whatever is going into you. More and more consumers are becoming savvy about phthalates, latex allergies and good for them for asking.

         If you can't actually see your toys being made the next most fun thing you can do is check out Surrogate Cocks, Inc. by Connor Creighton of Vice. It's a look into the working life of the Fun Factory, a German sex toy manufacturer whose products are proudly stocked at Fairvilla Megastore (left, Fun Factory's Angelo Mini; right, the Bootie). Creighton’s wry wit enhances an already fascinating subject and for me some of the highlights were

         a) knowing someone named Fritzy is making toys for us, like a dirty German Christmas elf, and that she has a keen awareness of anal suction

         b) the fact that toys designed to resemble famous buildings didn’t go over well (Jesus, I’m thinking the Sydney Opera House with D-batteries and balling up like a roly-poly)

         and c) Fun Factory CEO Dirk who wisely allays the concerns of any man who feels that vibrators mean that we don’t need them anymore.

         And please, please, please, don’t forget to look at the slide show; it will color your world.

         We are all getting so much more curious about where the things we consume come from - fun to find out about the things we insert, too. Thank you to my pal Maximum Joe in NYC for passing this story along! With friends who know what gives me good dreams - who’s luckier than me? J

Oh Captain, my Captain!

Usually me at www.lizlangley.com put videos up on Fridays but due to the losses of Michael Jackson and Farrah Fawcett we held this one off til Monday (please mark the bumpy transitions down to the fact that I'm still learning iMovie...oh, and my computer may be demonically possessed; I've prayed, I've sprayed, but it's chock-fulla hellspawn and doesn't want to change). Below is a hint as to one of my personal favorites - Errol Flynn in "Captain Blood," an iconic actor who shows in the clip below why the pirate genre we love today owe so much to this performance - almost 75 years ago.
AND this is the perfect day for this video list of my 5 Sexiest Captains in Film & TV, with fantasy sailor costuming from Fairvilla Megastore by Trashy Lingerie. Hopefully it will remind you all to come see "Jaws"  tomorrow night, Tuesday, June 30 at 9:30pm at Enzian Theater . Enzian's Cult Classics are only $5 and it's a real joy to old favorites or classics you might have missed on a big screen. Anyway, it's good clean fun for a gloomy Monday - enjoy!

Michael and Farrah

Losing Michael Jackson and Farrah Fawcett is almost too much of a cosmic shift, too big an announcement for those of us GenXers that childhood may at long last be over. Many people will speak with far more eloquence than I can about this; all I can think to say is that it feels so sad to me that it takes death to make us re-focus on people's gifts rather than their perceived faults, to remember why we liked them in the first place. Hopefully we'll be reminded to look more at what we love about each other than what we don't.

Everyone  loved Michael Jackson's music, but his gifts as a dancer were nothing short of supernatural - he could "out-Fred the nimblest Astaire." The above clip of "Smooth Criminal" (probably my favorite Michael Jackson song, followed by "State of Shock" and "Thriller") showcases him magically - in fact at the 3:45 time point he does the forward-lean which blows me away as much as the Moonwalk did. He appeared to have no body weight and more control than a machine. Before Jackson, "Thriller" especially, ensemble dance of that kind in pop music was unheard of; now it's practically required. Plus it gave us one of the greatest viral videos ever - the inmates of a Phillipino prison re-enacting "Thriller."

Farrah Fawcett has the distinction of probably having provide more fantasy material  than the lottery. The curling iron seemed to be specifically invented for all of us to try to get the trademark Farrah feathers and in contrast to a lot of the sex symbols that followed in her path there was an innocence, a true sweetness about Farrah that made her kittenish sexuality that much more mesmerizing: she was the classic "All the men loved her, all the women wanted to be her." Here she is in a Noxema ad from that period - not the best quality in the world, but for god's sake, the taglinw is "Great Balls of Comfort":

She looked like she shouldn't be able to act, but Farrah proved a lot of people wrong about that long before she became a sex pot. Here she is letting a post-op-transexual-lesbian Raquel Welsch down easily in the notoriously terrible musical "Myra Breckenridge." One good thing about it was Farrah in her very first feature length film: 

Normally I have my own videos up on Friday but the passing of two of the biggest icons of my lifetime was too much to let go by without acknolwedgement. Now that they're gone we'll look at the beauty they left behind and forget any of the lesser things - a gentlenss we only allow each other, it seems, in death. Maybe it can remind us   to extend that broader view to each other while we're still alive. 

"Dumb Love" - What Smart People sometimes make Crazy Choices

    Orange County Circuit Court Judge Marc Lubert yesterday set the trial date for  Lisa Marie Nowak,  former astronaut, charged with attempted kidnapping, battery and attempted burglary with assault. Nowak  is woman who allegedly stalked a romantic rival, going from Texas to Orlando while wearing a diaper to avoid having to stop for bathroom breaks in February 2007. Her trial will be Dec 7, 2009.
     The first thing most people say upon hearing Nowak's story is "How could an astronaut do something so crazy?" That's what I thought,  too. It seems like our best and brightest - world leaders, financiers, school teachers - should exhibit more sense, more self-control; witness the breaking news story of Mark Sanford , GOP luminary and governor of the Great State of South Carolina and his secret Argentinian romance (just saying that makes me hope to be able to lay on the couch in two years with a hangover watching the Lifetime movie). Turns out they are prey to human biology just as much as the rest of us.
       We all feel stupid when we're in the grip of love but judging ourselves on the basis of dumb-vs.-smart when it comes to those things might be a little misguided. When Nowak's bizarre tale first emerged I did this story, Dumb Love  for The Peeq.com, on exactly the question of why bright people do dim things and was lucky enough to a to interview Dr. Ian Kerner ("The Today Show," Cosmo) whose insights on the subject definitely deserve a read-through. Hope you enjoy.

"Hell" and "Outrage"

            On the harrowing night of the 2008 presidential election I saw Jeff Jones do a quick-hit stand up act at Hamburger Marys in which he said that if the right wing was so goddamn concerned with the sanctity of marriage then why didn’t they ban divorce?   

          I’ve been a fan ever since. Far right hypocracy of the on the issue of gay civil rights is easily as perverse as anything I’ve ever seen…and I’ve seen "Coctomom".            

          Lucky for us Jones expanded the soul of that joke, focused his keen eye on the politics of hate and came up with the Fringe comedy “Welcome to Hell,” now playing at Parliament House's Footlights Theater through July 11 (click for ticket info). .

            "Welcome to Hell" finds us where many of us expect to be eventually - face to face with Satan himself. As an audience member you have arrived in the underworld and await your orientation (which I previously thought of as“the Bush years”), and are stuck with a querulous new inductee, a smug Southern Senator who swears he doesn’t belong with the rest of us.

            The devil’s personal assistant suffers this fool and none too gladly – played by Elizabeth Murff, she’s the ultimate in the sort of taut, lacqured graciousness that you’ve probably encountered in any dealings you’ve ever had with an airline. They are composed and sweet but you get the idea that if they hear an impatient “Uh…Miss?” one more time they’ll leap over the counter and rip your face open. Murff volleys from control to mania with endearing ease ,but who wouldn’t dealing with the WASP in the gray flannel suit. Doug Ba'aser who has given Orlando some of the best laughs its ever had over the years is scarily spot-on as the grim bastard to whom bearing false witness comes as naturally as his Southern drawl. Finally, Jeff Jones is exactly the kind of Satan the far right doesn’t want you to believe in – a Satan you can relate to, who you’d like to have beers with and who has more compassion for the human condition than his sanctimonious adversaries (and a suit Elvis would come back for). He also cemented my opinion that more men should wear heavy, glossy, Endora-like eye make-up. It’s ssssssssssssassyy.

             The dubious cred of the politicians we trust is treated with a light-and-devious heart in “Welcome to Hell,” a witty and accurate send-up of self-serving cynicism. As synchronicity would have it, though, across town at Enzian Theater the subject of scurrilous politicians is treated in non-fiction form in the film “Outrage.”

            Before “outing “ was used to describe anyone’s exposure as anything (i.e. being “outed” as loving Duran Duran) it was used exclusively to denote the act of exposing a closeted person as gay. As much as honesty has going for it I value mind-your-own-goddamn-business a great deal and always thought of outing as being crass at least and cruel at worst. It always had the feeling of a bully humiliating a fellow classmate by reading an errant love note aloud. Just fucking mean.

            What the documentary “Outrage” posits, and quite impressively, is that that privacy ends when closeted politicians vote overwhelmingly against the rights of gay people, potentially as a cloaking device for their own sexuality, an act of deflection that costs other people their rights and, considering things like HIV/AIDs support, maybe their lives.

            “Outrage” by Oscar-nominated documentarian Kirby Dick focuses on the allegedly dubious sexuality a few politicians in particular, including bathroom buddy Senator Larry Craig and Florida’s own governor Charlie Crist. Crist provided my favorite moment when he talked about the wonders of male-female marriage in the same sentence as his divorce. This kind of shit seems to go over the heads of the bigoted; at Enzian it got a big laugh.

            And there are moments of lightness and certainly moments of. When many of these people were growing up, we are reminded, you could not aspire to be a politician if you were gay, a mindset they carry like a ball and chain and weigh down the entire country with. Some, it’s easy to see, could be in real psychological denial. And while I can feel compassion for anyone so sand-bagged for self-loathing, if they legislate against equality I think they’re self-loathing is perfectly appropriate – but not for being gay.

            “Outrage” is a reminder that when those at the highest levels endorse bigotry the trickle-down is devolutionary and disastrous. If you don’t cry at the bit about the victims of bullying and hate crimes, you need to have your empathy chip implanted, stat.

            Thankfully Kirby offers some light at the end of the closet by interviewing political figures who are out and whose decision lead not to downfall but to unconfined joy. Including those who have opted for self-acceptance makes the confines of the closet seem so much worse - darker and sadder and imprisoning for everyone.

            Welcome to Hell indeed. Thanks for sharing. 

             Tomorrow evening, June 25 Enzian will host a special Enzian Film Club session to discuss "Outrage" including, says the Enzian blog, "out politician Patty Sheehan, Orlando Sentinel columnist Scott Maxwell, Log Cabin Republican director Patrick Howell, and acclaimed local documentarian Eric Breitenbach (WHEN PIGS FLY, MY FATHER’S SON)." So for some direct conversation from excellent sources on some of the film's controversial subject matter, come to Film Club at 8pm Thursday at the Eden Bar (I recommend the Bloody Marys, by the way. Satan would approve). 

MSF: Lev Yilmaz: "How to Break Up with Your Girlfriend (in 64 Easy Steps),"

“Sex and relationships” is the term usually employed to describe the kind of writing I do, though on this blog I've tended to be light on the latter. Sex is easier than relationships in the 

same way that hearing is easier than listening. 

Or as Woody Allen famously  said of the  difference, “Sex relieves tension; love causes it.”

        The concept is nicely put by Lev Yilmaz, who was here in Orlando at the Florida Film Festival this year and won the audience award for best short film for this piece, "How to Break Up with Your Girlfriend (in 64 Easy Steps)," part of his "Tales of Mere Existence"  series. Put simply: The truth shall make you laugh.

Video: How to Eat a Banana Without Looking Like a Porn Star

It's nice to be nasty, but be nasty on purpose, not by accident in the Publix parking lot. 

Is a naturist area naturally low-crime?

            A while back I gave you a video low-down on the AANR World Record Skinny Dip which will take place on July 11 at 3pm EST at sanctioned nudist outfits all over North America. The event is happening so the Guinness Book of World’s Records can admit a largest-skinny-dipping record into their annals, or wherever they put these things, for the first time.

            Figuring I owed myself some peace after a few hectic weeks I decided to treat myself to a pre-skinny afternoon at Cypress Cove, the closest resort for Central Floridians who want to participate in the event. After feeling sufficiently hypnotized by sun and draft beer I felt refreshed enough to go back to my grueling job of talking about vibrators, romance and Chastity Bono’s sex change (don’t cry for me – I’ll tough it out somehow).

            So I go to my car, which has been sitting unattended for about two hours. And the driver’s side door is open.

            Not unlocked.

            Not ajar.

            Open.

            In a typical dither I had left it so while looking for my cell phone and forgotten to close it when I went on my merry way. I panicked for a millisecond -  then saw that nothing was missing -  CD player, books, money, clothing all still there, despite the fact that they might as well have sported a cardboard sign that said “Free!” in Sharpie.

             Then it occured to me that crime might naturally decrease where there’s a notable lack of pockets. There are also no shirts to stuff things up or  pants to stuff things down. It could be that simple But I’m pleased to think it’s a matter of naked courtesy.

 (Above: Picasso, Groupe de nus feminins)

Book Review: Best Sex Writing 2009

“One’s own soul, and the passions of one’s friends – those were the fascinating things in life.”

                                                                        Oscar Wilde, “The Picture of Dorian Gray”

            When people ask how I came to write primarily about sex and relationships it’s easy to say something glib like “I enjoy the research,” but the truth is that I get a kid-at-Christmas thrill, a true sense of wonder at the sheer volume of different experiences everyone has with these topics. It doesn’t matter to me whether the wrapping paper is erotic, scientific, emotional or cultural – I can’t wait to tear it off and see what’s in there. Despite having been born in 1964 I was raised by people who were pacifists in the sexual revolution. Having started out with limited ideas on the subject, the more I learned (along with the rest of the country) the more interested I got. I have a friend who came to America from England as a child and said that the variety of cereals and cartoons suddenly available to him practically made his head explode. I kind of feel that way about S&R. I might not want to eat every crunchberry and mini marshmallow, but you bet I want to shake, feel up and sniff all the boxes.

            That’s what’s so magically delicious about a book like Best Sex Writing 2009 (and in the fairness of disclosure, I was lucky enough to be in the 2008 edition ). Award-winning editor Rachel Kramer Bussel , though an accomplished tittlator herself, doesn’t go for tittilation, but rather stimulation, selecting pieces that arouse our senses of curiosity, indignation, wonder, humor, empathy and discomfort more than our bathing suit parts. It’s an elegant orchestration in which BSR contributor and MSNBC columnist Brian Alexander . says the reader will find “…a variety of answers to the larger questions of how Americans are adapting…to new opportunities for sexual exploration.” And it was gratifying to find that the pieces that made me uncomfortable (“One Rape to Go, Please” by Tracie Egan or that I doubted I’d relate to (“Sex is the Most Stressful Thing in the Universe” by Dan Vebber) ended up being stories I took as much pleasure as those I was sure I’d love (“An Open Letter to the Bush Administration” by Mistress Morgana Maye), possibly even more.

             “Sex is the Most Stressful Thing in the Universe” absolutely fits that last description. Sounds like a smart alecky routine about how tough it is to get the nookie you want but in the end it’s so worth it, right? Oh, so wrong. Vebber’s story is an acerbic, side-splitter about how weird it is to be a guy with a near-total lack of interest in sex (“Not all guys have a longstanding and storied relationship with porn. Some of us honestly don’t find it even interesting enough to get past the girls’ bad teeth.”) and his attempt to lose his virginity with his terrified and terrifying girlfriend Molly.

            “One Rape to Go, Please” describes Tracie Egan’s adventure in paying someone to fulfill her rape fantasy, which was a scary one for me to read even though I know it was a fantasy (I’m a suspicious and jumpy person who once nearly decked a theme park character who surprised me with a touch on the arm). Egan’s show of power in engaging such role play was surprising enough but the final sublime twist would be unbelievable if it wasn’t totally true. “An Open Letter to the Bush Administration” by Mistress Morgana Maye finds the dominatrix lamenting how her business has suffered since EVERYONE feels bullied by the Bushes already. Reading it after having waded comfortably into the soothing pool of a new administration makes one almost dizzy with relief that that’s all in the Before-Time.

            You know how you watch those Blue Planet shows and are thrilled and open-mouthed at the variety of life on the ocean floor? You get to feeling this way about the sex lives of everyone in the world when you get a glimpse of how varied other people’s concerns are.

            If you have never considered, for example, the rocky terrain of STD-specific dating websites (“Searching for Normal: Do Dating Websites for People with STIs Liberat or Quarantine?” by Lynn Harris), the ability of people to have orgasms even after devastating spinal chord injuries (“The Immaculate Orgasm: Who Needs Genitals?” by Mary Roach) or the effect of combat stress on sexual function (“Sexual Problems: A Common Side Effect of PTSD,” by Dan Vaughn) now’s your chance. Other standouts include the hair-tearing frustration of not understanding a mysterious sexual term you have never heard of and don’t want to ask about (“Silver Balling” by Stacey D’Erasmo) and a treatise on virginity pledges that actually had cynical, try-before-you-buy advocate me thinking “Oh, well, that’s her choice then,” in a way I’d never have guessed I would (“Father Knows Best” by Amanda Robb).

            That’s exactly what’s so great about BSR 2009 – as full as it is of excellent reportage and beautiful writing it’ll also be challenging for many readers who might find their views softened, broadened and  more dynamically colored for having read it.

            It is true. I do enjoy the research.

Toy Talk: Cracked Magazine's "18 More Disturbing Sex Toys"

            There is something about a venerated sex therapist sending you a link to “18 more world’s most disturbing sex toys,” because she thought you'd dig it that makes you feel like you've graduated sex ed and can now have a booze-up with the teacher.

            Sheri Winston, therapist, educator and founder of the Center for the Intimate Arts was here in Orlando last February teaching a course in wholistic sexuality at the wonderful Florida School for Holistic Living. It was a course which I got - and continue to get - many rich benefits from (which you can read about in my alternet.org story  Sex is Natural; So Why Are So Many People so Bad at It?" In addition to a wealth of information, Sheri has a great laugh and a great sense of humor, which are qualities you want in a sex educator, believe me. It’s her I have to thank for this link to Cracked.com’s "18 More of the World's Most Disturbing Sex Toys" including a canned vagina and a geriatric sex doll.

            Wait a minute, you say….18 more world’s most disturbing sex toy? Doesn’t that imply previous examples? You’re smarter than people give you credit for.

            Indeed, there’s a link right up top to Cracked’s previous "25 Most Disturbing Sex Toys" and indeed, all 43 of the items on these two lists deserve the recognition they’re getting here, otherwise why would I have shown one of them (the drilldo, right) off to legendary film director Ken Russell? In fact, Fairvilla Megastore has a few of the ones on the list so if you see anything you really want to know about I might have the answers at my finger tips!

            I know Toy Talk is usually a bit more serious/informative but this spectacular list was too rich to pass up.
           Besides, I love being in a line of work where I have to ask myself “Hey - how come I've never heard of the Stuffoscope before?”

            Don’t say I didn’t warn you. 

MSF: "George Lucas in Love"

Based on a conversation with my friend Elizabeth about the often-tangled nature of love, creativity, sex and inspiration, I wanted to share this short film by Joe Nussbaum. There isn't a doubt in my mind that this is how it could really have happened "dozens of years ago in a nearby galaxy..."

Video: Product Demo - the Hardcore Sportsheet

      So, you've wanted to sex up your bedroom with a few life-altering props but you're too damn shy to go to Home Depot and say "Um...if I want to put a big leather sling up in my bedroom....how do I...oh, never mind."

     Enter the Manline Hardcore Sportsheet - and forget the hotness for a moment, just admire the practicality. It's a Velcro sheet that allows restraints and straps to adhere to it so you can have your sling without doing any major home repair. Plus, since it's portable you don't have to always play at whichever partners house has all the good toys. You can just take it with you; let his neighbors think about calling the cops for a change. Since it comes in queen and king size it's also good to go at a hotel and could bring a serious surprise to that sexy weekend.
       When I was at the Gay Days Expo last weekend (you might have caught the posts on Frolic lube, especially for toys, plus some general notes and good news about GeoVax's AIDS vaccine trials) I just happened to catch Todd Carter from Sportsheets, who makes the product, doing a product demo with our own lovely, lovely Beel Bollinger of Fairvilla Megastore to give you a great idea of how it works.

Sweet Chastity

Chastity Bono's publicist has just announced that the gay rights activist and daughter of Sonny & Cher is making the transition to become Chaz Bono . No word on when the woman-to-man switch will be complete but we can't wait to see. She's a great-looking woman (c'mon: she's her mom all over again, only blonde and not the size of a chopstick) but I think she's going to be an even hotter guy. 

Truth or D'oh!

       Like all of you, I have a few “I’d do anything for…” friends one of them being Miss Sammy , an Orlando icon whose shows most of you have seen and whose legs most of you have envied. Sammy could say “Do you want to jump off this cliff?” and I would think, if Sammy said it, there must be something really fun down there so sure! And I’ve never regretted it – from Boot Hill to Broadway, Sammy has always been the best of dates and the finest of friends.

       So when Sammy calls asking me to be a guest on the first episopde of a new talk show at the Peacock Room , without thinking I call back and say “Sure!” only about 15 minutes into the phone calls that the show’s title “"Truth or Dare with Pepe" (above, left) seep into my consciousness, a slow reveal, like the backwards “Redrum” in “The Shining.” Any talk show that starts at 10pm in a bar called “Truth or Dare” has got to have enough adult pizzazz to keep drunk asses in seats, I realize, and think “What…the hell…am I getting into?”

       The show turns out to be a spin-off of the Fringe hit of the same title, in which Pepe, aka  Rob Ward, a talk show host of intederminate accent, Sigue Sigue Sputnik hair and fast, charming wit. With Sammy acting as co-host, Pepe talks guests through promos of their projects ending with a truth-or-dare question for them, followed by members of the audience having the opportunity to win prizes (like the Fairvilla gift card I got to dangle in front of one lucky lady to get her onstage to play).

       I’ve never known why this is true but I know it is: the universe is ruled by irony. When Sammy used to co-host bingo night at Hamburger Mary's and, if any player got an “O” letter, he’d ask them to produce, for the world to hear, their best orgasm sounds, I used to never put my hand up if I got an “O” thinking “I could never do that in public.”

       Guess what my dare turned out to be.

       Now here I have to say, that whatever it is you think you could never do may turn out to be something you’re not half bad at, though it helps to have a roomful of screaming drunks cheering you on. Next time you’re thinking about going back to get your Ph.D but you’re not sure, get a bunch of drunks to back you up and by god, you will end up a doctor, honey...a doctor. Now it’s not only my unfortunate neighbors that know what I sound like at the moment of grace, but since my I'll-have-what-she's-having moment went well enough to make one girl sweat, I feel fine about it. Actually it feels good to be out.

       If you’re in town check out the Peacock room calendar for upcoming rounds of “Truth or Dare with Pepe” – the guys do an awesome job, it’s lots of fun and you could find yourself in the hot seat doing things you didn’t think you would. Me, I’m going to take a tape recorder to every bar I go to from now on. When I have deadlines to reach and goals to achieve that I don’t think I can, my new homemade inspirational CD “drunken crowd” is going to get me to the next level. And I'll still follow Miss Sammy (that's us, on the right) over the next cliff.

MSF: What a Buncha Pricks

You'd think it'd be too hot for turtlenecks in Aruba, but the trade winds cool it down quite a bit. My friend Jeff send this postcard from there of assorted, uncircumcised succulents, a phrase I hope to use again one day in a far less arid-looking context.

Notes from the Gay Days Expo

       The only dogs anyone picked up at Gay Days were, we’re quite sure, one of these beauties from Greyhound Ranch Adoptions Inc . Regal, loyal, gentle and observant, greyhounds have two selling points many other dogs do not: they neither shed nor bark very much. And we like the political bent of their little red jackets.

       
So much for the beautiful dogs; some of the beautiful people we ran into on Saturday were cutie-patootie Danny Garcia (above, on the left) from the ever colorful, informative and funny What's Happening magazine , Joey from Orlando's GLB Community Center , supporting the community with excellent programs including free HIV testing (and knowing how to advertise - dig the Speedo above) and Sandy Anderson, this startling Dolly Parton look-alike with the River Stone Resort and Spa in Pigeon Forge, TN.
 Sandy was as sweet as she looks, and I love that she made sure I knew that the resort was right near Dollywood – as if any any girl attending a Gay Days Expo might not know where Dollywood is (I did try to go once but it was closed for the season and I ended up going to Graceland and becoming an Elvis fan. Who knows? Had I gone to Dollywood I might have ended up with big boobs and a thing for wigs…hey wait a minute…..)

       Outt  home décor really caught my eye with their reproductions and interpretations of classical pieces and while they have many other non-naked varieties of sculpture, things you wouldn't be embarrassed for your grandpa to see, I’m a bit of a butt girl and really dug the piece of ass on the left. Normally I don’t like them quite so rock hard as that, but if you want to buy it for me, it’ll do in a pinch.

       My favorite find of all didn’t involve short-haired bitches, tiny underwear or even free samples. It was GeoVax , the Atlanta biotechnology company that as been licensed to bring an AIDS vaccine to the marketplace. Phase 1 human clinical trial testing has been completed successfully and a press release says that “GeoVax AIDS vaccines may also be effective as therapeutics, treatment for people already infect with the AIDS virus.” It also announced that Chuck Panozzo, bassist for the band Styx who is HIV positive, has become an HIV advocate for GeoVax and the vaccine. That rocks.
        Thanks to ever-advancing medical technologies, HIV/AIDS is now a manageable condition and not the death sentence to which we all have lost so many. If it seems a long time in the making, Mark Mulligan, MD explains in this Atlantaa Journal-Constitution story that perfecting vaccines is often a lengthy process – but when the polio vaccine was introduced the disease was cut by 90%. 

       Now about those lube samples…we’ll reveal more about Empowered Products lubricants in Toy Talk on Tuesday and have a nice little product demo Fairvilla Megastore and Sportsheets later in the week. In the meantime…rays of hope for better health inside and rays of sunshine outside was a damn fine way to spend a Saturday.  

Andy Cobb on 2M4M

Usually right now I'd be posting a video of my own but I just found something so brilliant I have to share it. This morning on alternet.org, under the headline Glenn Beck Gets Freaky: A Look at Right-Wing Erotica by Alex Leo of the Huffington Post there was a link to Andy Cobb's YouTube channel . I don't think I've ever actually applauded a YouTube video alone in the privacy of my home before but this parody of a lonely right-winger trying to promote a lifestyle of heterosexuality is the best laugh I've had in days. You enjoy - I'm going to go watch the rest of his stuff. :)

Talking Smack

       You know you’re the best of friends when you can smack the shit out of each other for half the afternoon and then go out a gossip over coffee.

       This all goes back to that lovely string of rainy days we in Central Florida had a few weeks ago. For all the dreariness and cries I heard of “If I wanted to live in Seattle I’d live in Seattle!” I actually enjoyed our time under water because when you can’t go out and play you get to make up indoor games, which I’m much better at.

       To this end a girlfriend and I decided that that most wonderful of rain-day moments – the “I’ll drown if I try to get to the car so I might as well stay” moment – was the perfect time to fess up to and indulge in a lot of the curiosities we had about things in the Fairvilla fetish department – like “Can you even walk in those fetish shoes?” (Pictured: above. Answer: no), “How do I look in this Bo-Peep outfit?” (she looked positively confectionary) and “What happens if I hit you with this?”

       For most of my life I’ve kept the pain of love exclusively in the realm of the emotional; moving it to the physical was a bit new, one of those things that’s nicer to stick your toe into with someone you trust. The happy result: we have a prop to recommend!

     Of everything we fooled around with the best was a paddle called the Manline, manufactured by one of our favorites, Sportsheets. The Manline is leather on one side and a furry/fuzzy material on the other side and while the promo material says “Use the soft "body buffer" side, then turn the paddle over for a different kind of impact,” we much preferred it in reverse: a pretty purposeful “Smack!” hypersensitizes the area and brings the blood to the skin’s surface – then when you rub it with that furry, fuzzy the sensation of softness is about 50 times stronger.

         What can I say but that her eyes lit up like the Griswold Family Christmas Lights. Do you need more than that?

         So, see, you don’t have to push your boundaries with a bulldozer – go at your own pace and you might find something really fun.

          I, for one, am hoping for more rain. 

Interview with Details magazine's Jeff Gordinier on "The Virgin"

       Male or female, young or old, ravenous or picky…we all have one thing in common when it comes to sex: we remember our first time. How we lost our virginity, whether it was perfect, horrid, or perfectly horrid, is a pivotal moment, the turnstile to a wonderland more complex than the movies or manuals could have told us.

       In this month’s Details magazine, author/editor Jeff Gordinier chronicles a classic tale of that quest in "The Greatest Virginity Story Ever Told"

(it's called just "The Virgin" in the print version): hormone-crazy Otto, guided by his wise friend Bill, means to leave his cherry in Vegas before going home to England. The difference is that Otto has Down syndrome.

        “I read some stories about Lucy Baxter, Otto’s mother, and her quest to find a partner for Otto,” Jeff said in an email interview for www.lizlangley.com (Baxters are famous in England). “While her comments had stirred up a controversy in the U.K., it dawned on me that Lucy’s desire for Otto to find both partnership and sexual release was, in spite of the unusual circumstances, a moving expression of maternal love.”

       In “a lovely stroke of luck,” Otto’s family was planning to visit America, so Jeff met Otto and Bill at the Grand Canyon and road tripped with them to Vegas.

       “People really open up on the road,” Jeff says, and in their hours of driving, talking, and listening to music, he “captured these fascinating conversations between Otto and Bill as we floated through the Southwest.”

       He came to see more than a sexual pilgrimage, but “a story of brotherly love, if you will, between Otto and Bill,” the latter serene and watchful, the former exuberant and keen.

       “ It’s really about “these two young guys…talking about love and sex and (in some ways) the nature of what it means to be a man.”

       Jeff Gordinier has a surprising way of turning a phrase and of letting a story tell itself; he deftly takes a hormonally-charged losin’-it quest, set in strip clubs and casinos, and hands over an adventure textured with depth and heart.

       And it’s clear that he really likes these guys.

       “I hope readers will come to see Otto Baxter as Otto Baxter, not just “some guy with Down syndrome.” Otto’s got a strong, distinct, unforgettable personality.”

He’s also great at roulette numbers, taking over karaoke bars and generally be 21 years old.

       “I had a hard time keeping up with the dude,” Jeff says.

Toy Talk: Boy Toys

      Many years ago in Amsterdam I started to walk into a club called The Cock Ring with my male friends when I was unceremoniously stopped by the bouncer. How naive I was. They had a policy: No Girls Allowed.

       Was I embittered? Nah. I understand exclusivity and wanting to have some things all to yourself. It’s a disgrace to exercise it politically, as in barring gay marriage, but I certainly get calling “Mine! Mine! Mine!” when it comes to stuff you can touch.

       That’s why today’s Toy Talk is exclusively for the guys. Most of the time the ladies get all the attention, but today it’s Boy O Boy, all about the one sexual object we girls have no earthly use for: the epymonious cock ring.

       Even though they're not on my shopping list I couldn't help but notice one at Fairvilla Megastore that stood apart from the usual silver or black rings, Cock Sling left) by Tantus ($41.99). This thick, tight silicone ring’s distinction was that it comes to a point down at the base, which Fairvilla sales associate Rob explained thus: you put all your junk – all of it – through the ring and while that keeps you erect on the front end, making your partner happy, the point provides you with booty stimulation, making you happy.

       For those who like a stretchier fit Robhighly recommended Island Rings by CalExotics. “Every dancer in Orlando comes in and buys these,” he says matter-of-factly pointing out that the colored ones are all sold out at the moment. Island Rings are super-duper-flexible beaded silicone rings which he recommends not just for the feel but the durability. He did have one customer that disagreed, but, he says, that customer wore the rings for four and a half hours straight. “They’re not indestructible, they don’t have a force field!” he says and four and a half hours is a bit excessive (an hour at a time is more like it, he says). They come in three sizes and in 3-packs for only, which kind of makes up for that whole lack-of-force-field thing. 

       The Support Girth Ring by Cal Exotics has a pretty self-explanatory title – it lends a little erectile support by means of a triangular platform the penis can rest on – so even when it’s not up it’s up. It’s perfect for guys who are having trouble maintaining erections, is textured for a little extra stimulation, is pure silicone – and at $29.99 seems like a pretty inexpensive non-chemical way to keep your sunny side up.

       So there – some toys just for boys. I may not belong to the boys club, but never let it be said that I don’t appreciate the members. 

Love Land Don't Live Here Anymore

         China has lost it's sexual attraction: Before it even got a chance to nail its first tourists, to test the "If you build it they will come" theory, the Chinese sex theme park, Love Land (entrance below), was closed down by local authorities.

         It’s kind of easy to make fun of the idea of a sex theme park,  easy to wonder if there would have been rollercoasters with dongs stuck to the seats and a tongue-shaped water slide (these were never planned). And because it's easy to make fun of it's easy to dismiss as having been a bad idea in the first place.

         But that cynicism starts to evaporate when you read about the Love Land theme park in Jeju, South Korea (and this great piece in Associated Content). Jeju is an island where bashful couples joined in pre-arranged marriages once came to honeymoon and where people were available to make them feel more….at ease…with the first-time sex they were about to have (an idea that’s either wonderfully quaint or wonderfully progressive). Eventually Jeju became the home of Love Land, a park equipped with larger-than-life sexually graphic statues (some of which become animated with the help of a hand crank – who doesn’t?), paintings, a sex shop and educational lectures at the visitors center. Once this open-air sexual science center image replaces initial thoughts of shaking hands with a Mickey-esque costumed character named Syphilis Phil (I kid you not - here he is) the thought of a sex theme park becomes kind of cool.

         And the ladies of China might enjoy a little outreach. Li Yinhe, an expert on sexual attitudes at the Chinese Academy of Social Sceinces said in the Guardian UK that she’s read a report say that only 28% of women in China have experienced orgasm as opposed to 90% of their Western counterparts.

         "There's a need for sex education which isn't boring and information which isn't sleazy,"  Dr. Sarah Brewer of the Amora sexual theme park in London about that theme park when it opened and that’s a perfect summing-up of the quandary of adult sex ed in general. Instead of cordoning it off, why not literally look at it in the sunshine?        

         Too bad the tourists and locals of Chongqing won’t get that chance. And though Orlando is the tourist capital of Earth I’m going to go out on a limb here and suggest that we’re not going to be getting a Love Land here either. Too bad. I envision it as being right across the street from The Holy Land Experience by the Mall at Millenia. Guess you'll just have to make your own in your bedroom...summer project!