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Showing posts from January, 2010

What John Edwards - and we - keep failing to learn

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It’s never a good idea to let an avid fan get into your house or your pants, not even if they’re just folding them when they come back from the dry cleaners. Movies like Play Misty for Me, Misery and All About Eve were made to teach us this and if you don’t learn anything from a Hollywood that’s trying so hard to convey simple values, then what the hell do you expect? One’s PA should be smarter than one’s self and nothing says ‘smart’ like reserved disdain for the employer. (see Arthur’s Hobson, Wooster’s Jeeves and Blackadder the Third) . John Edwards didn’t learn from these things if the press on former aide Andrew Young (who will appear on 20/20 tonight), who comes off uncomfortably like Eve Howard is any indication. Waylon Smithers and "butt boy" are two ways he’s been described, though the scandals, of course are all Edwards fault – Young was only the messenger. There’s only so much blame you can put on the camera if you look like hell in the picture.

Concern for your health is as flattering as it gets

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       What do your panties inspire?        Not to put you on the spot or anything, but it’s kind of a funny though, so long as the answer is something like “joy,” or “erections” and not “dread” or “infections.”        It’s hardly surprising that Marilyn Monroe’s underwear would inspire a thing or two. Now her iconic drawers, revealed by the uprush of subway air in one of the most beloved Hollywood images ever, have inspired a line of vintage fashion undergarments by Protec-Style lingerie.        What is most gratifying about this isn’t the style – it’s the emphasis on the healthful properties of the material. The Huffington Post Reports that Women's Wear Daily reports that The Marilyn panty is made of a polyester microfiber that is antibacterial, anti-fungal and antiviral. The Protec-Style website says it stays dryer than cotton. (Gotta love their tagline: “The most technologically advanced intimate apparel to ever grace your behind.”)        That’s a fine start but what

Movie Mondays: The Legacy of Hanks and Ryan

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Pop quiz! There is a big, red, spastic, chocolate-addled event on the horizon that will be welcomed when it finally arrives but better when it’s all over. Is it: a) your next period (or a loved one’s) b) Valentine’s Day Probably both, but since periods are seldom discussed in movies unless one is missing ( Juno, Caddyshack) we’ll pick Valentines Day. It's on it's way, you know, and just last week one of my favorite programs, Current TV’s The Rotten Tomatoes Show , did a great segment on Romantic Comedy “Couples Who Should Break Up,” and at the top of the heap were the saccharine standard-bearers of the 90’s Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan. And back in the day I would have totally agreed. We like to think we’ve been freed from the calcified images of perfect domestic life conjured in the 50’s. What fools we’ve been. Sure, many things have made us wise to sham of domestic perfection but we’ve just cobbled new ones together (porn bodies, Kardashia

Where was the Lorax? Man tries sex with a tree

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         A 21 year-old man in Airdrie, Scotland was arrested for trying to have sex with a tree. Must have been a hot date for him to get a woody like that.          OW! I know, and if you want to read more shameless puns about his sticky situation check out the Scottish Sun.  - they totally got the dirt on this shady character. He plead not guilty to public indecency so he either willow won't be in trouble; it’s in the elm of possibility but hard to o-pine at the moment (the tree pictured is not the victim, who is surely being protected by Special Branch. )          The Sun mentions another Scot who attempted sex with the pavement in Galashiels, Selkirkshire. Must have been stoned. 

2010 advice from Sarah Haskins

     OK, we’re just a little over two weeks into 2010 – is it still okay to take a look back at 2009 and get some advice on the upcoming year? Sure it is. You get at least 30 days to take care of anything – traffic tickets, store returns, rehab – so if you haven’t made any resolutions yet here’s one you’ll enjoy: watch Sarah Haskins.        Sarah is a commentator for Current TV’s InfoMania and in her “Target: Women” segments she cleverly analyzes every bit of propaganda with us in its sites, from ads about mom feeding the family to wedding shows to the Disney princesses and points out some of the crap-disguised-as-candy that we’re being sold all the time, often without even realizing it.        I recently came across Sarah’s advice for 2010 and even though this year has gone as well for me as any two weeks could have (yes, you can rub me for luck…for a price) I’m going to back up a sec and take some of her advice And if I fail to do that at least I feel very sure I’ll never look at a

Woolie willies: knitting exciting underwear

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The temperature in Central Florida is supposed to get down into the 20’s tonight so it’s the perfect time for something warm, snuggly and disturbing, namely: wool fetishists. This piece ran on   Izismile.com   in April 2009 – click on it and then give them credit for being original at least. These people make all the latex, leather and vinyl fetishists, myself include, look like a buncha Osmonds. I certainly understand the cuddly factor – who doesn’t like a snuggly sweater on a cold day? They just look itchy and since I’m a little claustrophobic anything with a hood has a disquieting vibe to me, Then there’s the fact that the person in this pic looks like Velma from Scooby-Doo would if she were a Sandperson. If you click on the Izismile link you’ll see a number of others and the   Laughing Squid   links to yet another French wool fetishist sight. If it wasn’t for the one that looks like an anatomically correct, well-hung sock monkey (just   click the damn link )  I’d

Movie Mondays: Lars and the Real Girl

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          Welcome back to Movie Mondays, circa 2010! Usually I review adult films every Monday but have decided to change things around for the new decade and include exceptional mainstream films about sex and relationships in the Movie Monday mix along with adult fare. Everyone I know who watches porn is, interestingly enough, also a mainstream cineast - so hopefully broader content will appeal just as much as broad content. Enjoy!               Last week I saw an ad for for a National Geographic show called "Strange Love" , part of their “Taboo” series, which promised an interview with a guy in love with his love doll.        Normally a televisual feast like this would prove to me there is a Santa Claus but since I haven’t been able to find it in the listings I decided to do what every film junkie I know has been telling me to do since 2007 and watch “Lars and the Real Girl.” Since it's about a guy who’s in love with his love doll I thought it would be a good tide-ov

The Year is 21 Hours Old and I Already Have a Top Ten

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Neurotic people are tough to surprise. Long before anything comes of a situation we’ve already considered 85 potential outcomes, our responses and located our passports in case flight is essential. People who overthink are seldom unprepared. It must have been the lull of this chily, overcast New Years Day that made me abandon my catlike reflexes but I got a huge surprise – of the good variety - when I clicked onto Alternet and found a headline on the Sex and Relationships page that read: “Sexy Mormons, The Joy of Vibrators and Sticking it to Puritans: “ 10 of Liz Langley's Best Pieces ,” subheaded “Sex and relationships writer Liz Langley put together some of the sexiest – and smartest – stories about the politics and culture of sex this year.” The piece was put together by Jan Frel and I’ve been working so much, often away from my computer, that it blew right by me despite the fact that I get Alternet headlines delivered to my mailbox every day (and