PIllow Talk: The Edward Cullen body pillow

       Of all the swag associated with vampires, including stick-on fangs, the weirdest has got to be the Edward Cullen man pillow. The “mannlow,” which was available on Etsy– it’s now sold out – is pretty much a stuffed chalk-outline with a Peter Max-ish black and white rendering of Rob Pattinson’s face on it.  First thought: If you could elongated anything about a fantasy male, why would it be his neck?

       Once that quandary is cleared away it’s impossible (at least for me) not to compare the low-tech - or no-tech - nature of this item it to the Roxxxy TrueCompanion the newest advance ‘sex robot.’ Retailing at $7,000-9,000 Roxxxy is customized, anatomically correct, has interchangeable personalities, (S&M Susan, Mature Martha and a host of others), sleeps, likes what you like, is connected to wireless internet for software updates and responds to being touched.

       Does the fact that an asexual boy-toy armrest sold out while men are buying a sex doll that’s arguably more wired than some small towns mean that women are just naturally more low tech? For a second I that might be the case, not because I'm sexist but because I never forgot an episode of "This American Life in which a woman transitioning to manhood stated that two of the effects of huge testosterone infusions were a heightened sexuality and a sudden interest in and understanding of science. I was fascinated, somewhat upset but very vindicated by his story, fascinated because of the way a little spurt of chemical can change one's nature, upset because it is ammo for sexism (even interviewer Alex Blumberg joked "You're just setting us back 100 years, sir,") and vindicated because science is not at all intuitive to me. The mysteries of the human heart are no challenge, but don't ask me how the phone works.

      So the testosterone story was the first thing to pop into my head, but on further reflection it seems that the sexes both have their love of high- and low-tech intimacy. Women are constantly having sex with machinery after all - modern vibrators have more advanced controls than a Tilt-o-Whirl. So far, though, we haven't seriously wanted them attached to anything that takes up room on the couch (there is a 'Rocky' companion to Roxxy that's currently in the works; we'll see how that goes).
       So women, too, are sexually gadget-happy and when it comes to 2-D love men can be low-tech, too.

       Not too long James Franco appeared on 30 Rock as a a man is “in love with and common-law married to a Japanese body pillow.” These body pillows are for real – long pillows printed with images of anime characters and they’ve become a substitute for love for a lot of Japanese men according to Lisa Katayama’s New York Times story Love in 2-D. Just like in “Lars and the Real Girl,” they take their pillows out on dates and spend quatliy time with them. While some of these relationships are “unconsummated,” Katayama writes, but “for others, 2-D is a full-fledged sexual lifestyle.”

       On one hand I can think of some people (me included) who would have been better off with a couch cushion than the humans they’ve dated. The disconnection that has caused some Japanese men to almost entirely give up on a human relationships is certainly sad, but at least it's understandable –dating is weird and awkward for even the most secure individuals. On the other hand, a lot of the images that evidently adorn these anime pillows are of prepubescent girls. Now that’s just grand mal creepy.

       And it actually makes the Edward Cullen pillow look like healthy, normal swag in comparison. Sure, it's got a weird giraffe neck but at least Rob Pattinson is in his freaking 20's. Have at it Twihards. And sweet dreams.