NO ONE is getting a charge out of me....

I always used to think it was funny that the only yards you ever see pit bulls savagely defending are ones where it doesn't look like there's anything to steal.

Now I get it. The less you have the more vigorous you get about defending it. Hence my car battery being chained up like King Kong. No one is getting it out but me.

See, my car got broken into....again. This time they stole the battery...the battery...and the CD player with a library CD in it (Poe...may the thieves be buried alive or walled up in a wine cellar).

I suppose I should feel lucky since last September some bastards stole the whole goddamn car (may their house fall down on top of their heads). 

Anyway, the theft isn't even the good part of the story. You see, this car keeps getting molested and why I don't know because it more stuff broken on it than an old prize fighter. One particular problem is the doors - both are broken so they only open from the outside. One has to roll down the power windows, reach out and open the door to get out of the car.

Well, before I realized a theft had occurred I got in the car, closed the door, windows up - turned the key and nothing. Then I saw the hole in the console and realized that not only had I been robbed but I was trapped in the car like Alma Mobley in Ghost Story. 

Except that I lived. Thankfully a neighbor came out heard me yell through a little opening in the window. It's a funny story...now.

(Wonderfully creepy picture from Scott Wade's Dirty Art Car Gallery)

And now, as you can see in the top picture the battery is chained in so no one is going to get it out of there. It's the metal equivalent of a pit bull barking it's head off in front of an old Air Stream. 

Only one quandary now. Since the car was burgled when parked in the lot and on the street there's only one place I feel it's safe to park it:  on the roof. Do you think Mittens would loan me his car elevator?

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