FREE ADMISSION! FREE SHOTS! BEST TALK SHOW EVER!

You've got to admit anything with "Truth or Dare" in the title is throbbing with potential, so you HAVE to come see "Truth or Dare with Pepe," the best talk show I've ever seen (and I've seen Conan live). Pepe and his Sigue Sigue Sputnik hair, indeterminate accent and big gulps of charm keeps the pace up and brings on great local talent AND his co-host is the beautiful Miss Sammy - you gotta come out if only to see those gorgeous gams! 

The next episode - Monday, September 14 at 10 pm at the Peacock Room - will feature actress and  karaoke hostess Janine Klein, photographer Julie Milford and Real  Radio pesonality, actor and soopah-genius Doug Ba'aser. I'll be on hand to show off God-knows-what fabulous stuff from Fairvilla (that is your fun guarantee, right there) so come watch...or dust off your nads, put 'em on and play along.

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1-Minute Video: Fulfilling a fantasy at Fairvilla Megastore

The Pipedream Fantasy Pleasure Tape in Fairvilla has lots of uses - a non-sticky bondage tool, a blindfold, costuming - and here, sales associate Clarence comes up with a use for it 
that everyone has dreamed about but not very many people will ever get to do.
Thanks to Doug Rhodehamel for cinematography and Clarence Hannah for being a 
one-take wonder. :)
Click image above and Enjoy!

My 1st Mammogram (no, that's not a Judy Blume Book) and the Benefit of Bravery

   “Boobies, boobies, boobies. Nothin’ but boobies. Who needs ‘em?”

                                   Neely O’Hara, Valley of the Dolls


       Whether they’re elegant, sylph-like A-cups, the B’s and C’s of the classic hourglass figure, the juicy, pin-uppy D’s or the lush, voluptuous, DD’s and beyond, the female breast is an American obsession. And why not? Mine have done me a few favors and have made everything I’ve worn since 1978 look twice as good as it should have.
       When I consider everything these Barbie beanbag chairs have done for me, I feel like a blue-ribbon dope for waiting until I was 44 to get my first mammogram. I waited for the same kind of reasons anyone might. I’m uninsured. I was afraid to even ask what the procedure would cost. And then there’s the breast-squishing machine.
       That’s how everyone describes the x-ray machine that squishes your boobs between to plates of glass to get a decent picture from within. The idea of having my breasts squeezed by anything I couldn’t stop with a smack in the face wasn’t one I cottoned to.
       I’m infinitely glad that when I finally got the money and the nerve I went to Florida Radiology Imaging in Oviedo (407-84-8722) where the sensitivity I was shown was extraordinary. I’m claustrophobic and had an idea the machine was like a car wash or a Disney ride – something you couldn’t stop once it was running. Knowing the tech controlled it – and she promised to stop it if I screamed like Jamie Lee Curtis in “Halloween” – had the calming effect of a shot of whiskey.
       The procedure itself wasn’t painful - uncomfortable and weird, yes, but it didn’t last. They take four pictures, two on each side, you get a little squeezed, but it’s momentary. Thankfully I got a negative result and the price I paid ($99; you only pay half if you can pay up front) was worth the peace of mind.

       Christine Mock says, she’ll be happy to talk to me about her own experience “if it will make anyone do a mammogram.” Christine is a pretty, athletic, outgoing blonde with a relaxed manner and a lot of friends, many of whom are at a benefit party at Palmer's Garden Center where Christine works as a manager. She’s so poised and self-possessed you’d never guess the benefit – with part of the day’s sales going to MD Anderson Cancer Center in Orlando – was in her honor. Christine was recently diagnosed with breast cancer
        “I’m just concerned I’m not going to able to lift the huge bags of black cow manure,” Christine says blithely, already talking about her recovery from the surgery she'll soon have and facing the whole issue with a refreshing matter-of-factness. The history of cancer in her family has made it a familiar foe and made her extremely aware of the need for early detection. She started getting mammograms five years before the suggested age of 40. Her most recent was on July 2; after two follow-up tests, she says, “on July 16 at 4:07 pm I was diagnosed with infiltrating carcninoma breast cancer.” She’s opted for a double masectomy, since her family history suggests it might recur. With surgery pending, her affability and cool makes her an example of amazing grace.

       “Faith, friends and family – that’s my mantra,” she says and the turnout at Palmer’s suggests it’s working – I’ve never been in a garden center so crowded you have to elbow your way through to get to the pepper plants (left: Christine and her "Don't Be a Boob" cake, from Charlie's Bakery; pink flowers above and below, from Palmer's).
       Christine’s keenest interest in sharing her story is a simple one: underscoring the value of testing. It makes it easier to get the care you need and have the peace of mind you want.

  And after all your boobies have done for you, don’t they deserve a little attention? 

     

Gorgeous Little Things: The Vag Badge

If there’s anything nicer than a little jewelry in your box it’s a little box in your jewelry.

       My friend Shannon passed on this adorable little item she found on Etsy, a website featuring all handmade items and I thought it was the cutest thing I’d seen since this whistling puppy . It’s the Vag Badge made from Sculpey by FancyFemme who invites us to “wear your genitals on your sleeve .” 

        What I like most about the vag badge first and foremost is the coloring. You’d expect pinks and fleshtones but the yellow and peach have a soft, serene quality, plus she’s captured that flowery petal-like quality, like the Georgia O’Keefe  flowers below. Looks like a daffodil to me and I like it, but her profile on Etsy says she’ll custom design as well (and since I first saw these, she's also got them in blues, whites and grays).

       Phallic imagery seems to abound in our culture, but sometimes I think that’s because it sticks out – it’s easier to see. And as much as I love the outies, I love that someone 
made a wearable innie. 

Toy Talk: Bedknobs and Broomsticks...kinda

    You can go ahead and make the obligatory joke here because I’m not going to: there is nothing quite as beautiful as wood. Real wood. Whether it’s an antique Shaker desk or clean little Ikea cabinet, when wood is well-done it acquires the perfect combination of being sleek and stable. What in the world else could you want in a relationship?

       The Treeze line of sex toys by Don Wands, made of a blend of natural wood and urethane, are a beautiful example of how artful this material can be. And the coolest part is that the vibrator itself is removable, so that if the plastic toy on the inside burns out or breaks you can just replace it with another one and still have the gorgeous casing.

       “Don Wands does a lot of really gorgeous things in general,” says Mel, a sales associate from Fairvilla - who likes the appearance of these as much as I do. The wood/urethane hybrid means they won’t splinter, chip or crack, plus they’re non-pourous and hypoallergenic. “I’m almost sad that we have to keep them in the packaging,” Mel says, citing the display-ready quality of the items. These could make you want people to see your toys for a change. 

This is Your Brain on Love

Let me assure you from jump street that when I pose the question “Why do we so look forward to orgasm?” that it is, indeed, a hypothetical. I kiiiiinda get why, but there are always reasons we do things that are somewhat less than obvious, reasons based in chemistry. 

 This clip from The History Channel’s “The Brain” features one of my favorite authors, Dr. Helen Fisher, and details what areas of the brain fire up and shut down before and during orgasm AND how male and female brains differ in the pre-orgasmic and orgasmic states. Fascianting stuff that will probably lead you to some interesting conversations about why the brains of the sexes differ in this way (yes, Dr. Fisher speculates in the clip). More importantly it might lead you to some bar bets that go something like 'So, do you think you have an orgasm under the scrutiny of lab conditions...in two minutes? (And since you're going to ask, my answer is....Nope!)

My interview with Steve Otero on NYC's "Mondo Eros"

The great thing about radio is a) you don't have to dress (up) for it and b) I always have a great time doing it. It was especially fun being chatted up by Steve Otero recently on his "Mondo Eros"show out of NYC.  Steve is a great interviewer and wealth of information - we talked about nudism, polyamory and adult sex ed among other things, and while I usually post video on weekends, but this this I'm posting audio - you can go to this link and scroll down. I'm so proud to be on a list of anything with the legendary Betty Dodson as well as AVN Hall of Famers Luc Wylder and Candida Royale. Also check out the Sexy Spirits website that hosts Steve's podcast for great sex news, interesting opinion pieces and other cool tips. Enjoy!

This Saturday: “Don’t Be a Boob! Plant a Pot for Breast Cancer!”

       Flowers. You can’t go wrong with flowers.

       Often we confuse the phrase “sensual pleasures” with sexual ones, but sensual really just means something pleasing to the senses, and the vibrating color and voluptuous scent of an abundant flower garden can send the same pulse of pleasure through most people as that perfect bite of cherry pie, a cold beer on a hot day or that just-right smooch on the cheek from someone you love. Pleasure doesn’t always have to be lascivious and it certainly doesn't have to be  complicated.

       That’s why I was so pleased to hear that Palmer's Garden Center (2610 Corrine Drive, Orlando, FL, 407-896-5951) is putting on a fundraiser THIS SATURDAY, AUGUST 22, called “Don’t Be a Boob! Plant a Pot for Breast Cancer!” All day, from 9-5, Palmer’s will be donating a percent of sales to the MD Anderson Cancer Center with “wine and lite bites” from 3-5pm in honor of their manager, recently diagnosed with breast cancer. So come do something for yourself, your home and a good cause a service by beautifying your environment with daisies, tomatoes, mint plants…whatever puts that twinkle in your eye.

       I thought it was such a great idea to have such an event in a garden center like Palmer’s, so alive with beautiful things and such an unusual locale for a fundraiser. In considering just what it is about gardens that send that buzz of happiness through the system I found a really nice piece originally on the environmental website Chelsea Green and here on Alternet , by Makenna Goodman who asks "Can Gardening Make Your Sex Life Better?" 

       It’s not dirty, just some well-considered musing on what pleasure really means, what good sex means to each of us invidually and how doing the thing we love – whether it’s gardening or drawing or dancing – is the most potent ingredient to happiness.

       And if you can't think of what makes you happy straight off, go with flowers.  You can’t go wrong with flowers. 

Greetings from Space Ship Sappy

       Remember how just a few years ago the book “The Secret” was huge and it told how if you visualized and believed and henpecked the universe that all your dreams would come true? And how everyone bought the book? And now we’re all bankrupt?

       Clearly that stuff doesn’t work. I don’t believe in nagging The Force. In fact, I think the more you do needle the universe the more it thinks “Stalker!” and runs as far from you and the giant sucking sound of your neediness as it can.

       But I do believe in magic, synchronicity and meaningful coincidences – like the time I lost my wallet in the middle of Georgia and it was found and returned by a woman who lived right near me in Central Florida. I just think they come in forms you don’t expect.

       This is all a wordy way of saying I just love it when those “oh-my-god-how-weird!” moments happen and one happened to me just yesterday after I’d read a story in the Toronto Star about the first eco-conscious online sex toy outlet in Canada, Ecosex.ca . The site was founded by sisters Kim and Amy Sedgwick, who own Red Tent Sisters , a Toronto store dedicated to women’s health and happiness “from menstruation to sex to contraception to fertility, childbirth, motherhood and menopause,” says their website.

       The Star story concerned the safety of materials in sex toys, namely phthalates, compounds which makes plastics soft and bendable and which have been banned from children’s toys in Canada and the US. Phthalates are still used in some adult sexual novelties, however, because those are considered “novelties” and go largely unregulated in both countries. What took me aback about the store was a quote by Amy Sedgewick who said "I'm a mom and if I am concerned with what my 3-year-old daughter is using now, I should be concerned about the kinds of toys she is using 20 years from now."

       That really impressed me. While people in the United States are too busy screaming "vile, contemptible nonsense" to even listen to ideas about health care reform, here is a mom who is free enough of petty embarrassment or faux morality that she can look at her child’s future sexual health, practically, helpfully and accepting of the fact that hormones will be part of her life. That girl is going to have a mom she can talk to – even if she doesn’t always want to, she’s going to know she can. I had one of those and I don't think there's anything more edifying that a girl can have.

       I was mulling all this over shortly before popping into Fairvilla to check out some new items. While chatting about something unrelated with a lady in the toy department, and not having mentioned that mom thing, she suddenly said “Why don’t you write about a mom who’s in here with her daughter?”

       Their names were Lynn and Alison Finch and they were at Fairvilla for the simple reason that Alison had never been there before and “there are no stores nearly this big” in New Jersey where Alison now lives with her beau James Keith, unless you go into NYC, Alison says, where they’re too expensive.

       “I was very informative with them growing up,” Lynn says. “I didn’t want them growing up with the same illusions (we had) especially the ‘orgasm-equals-love’ syndrome,” or “to dump that stuff that ‘sex-is-dirty’ on them.” The 26 year-old Alison was enthusiastically affirmative about having a mom who was as open and whom could talk to - so much so I felt I had to stop being nosey and let the ladies and gentlemen shop. Having enjoyed it myself, it was nice to see and be reminded of the closeness and security that kind of trust can bring.

        

         So, that was my meaningful coincidence for the day, a moment so different from all the sensationalism in the media - from the pornified entertainment to health care madness - and one that showed that here, on the ground, people are talking, being practical and taking care of themselves each other. That’s the secret, really. 

Can Your Pussy Do the Dog? Or Vice Versa?

       If you’re jealous that some dogs have more luxuries than you do (therapists, maids, health care) remember that there are two things you have that even the most spoiled pooches don’t: hands and batteries. Unlucky male dogs are often reduced to making awkward sexual advances to furniture. I don’t know what the females do – probably crap in your shoes. Sexual frustration does crazy things to a girl.

       Now, however, pampered pooches might have access to just as much inanimate sexual company as we do. PetSmiling, a company headquartered in Brazil and (not surprisingly) Florida has come up with a sex doll for male dogs. This wonderful piece from The Sexist details the press release saying that the doggie doll is made of soft rubber and has a silicone vagina, which sounds quite progressive and health conscious since silicone is hypoallergenic and a preferred material for human sex toys (and no, I cannot believe I just wrote the phrase “human sex toys”).

       But the piece de resistance, the bit that will haunt my thoughts and make me wonder about all purchasers of these things is the part that assures the prospective customer that it has "a silicone vagina and easy to clean reservoir." (AP pic below, at the Pet South America fair) 

       It’s one thing to change a cat box. It’s one thing to carry dog poo around in one of those plastic bags til you find a trash can. But the person who is willing to clean pooch spooge out of a faux dog vagina either has a screw loose or has the biggest heart of anyone in earth’s history.

       Telling the maid to do it doesn’t count.

       And how would you even tell the maid this is part of their anticipated duties now, anyway? “Please wash the towels, dust the blinds, oh, and clean the jizz out of the fake vagina, would you Estelle? I want to be able to see my face in that mock dog pussy.” Can you imagine the cheek? I would have Jeeves do the honors and then take a well-timed flight to Paris.

       Oh, but I’m dreaming again. Back in real life, yes, the sex drives of male dogs are being seen do by international corporations. No word on when there will be one for the bitches. 

One-Step for Women; One Refreshing Leap for Common Sense

    Last month the FDA approved a souped-up version of the emergency contraceptive Plan B. The new version is Plan B One-Step, so called because the old version required taking two pills hours apart while the new version requires only the one dose. 

     Plan B works by providing a high dose the same hormone that makes birth control pills work, thus preventing pregnancy when taken within a 72-hour time frame (its less effective the longer you wait). It's not meant to be a method of birth control - it's meant for emergencies only. Plan B One-step is available over-the-counter to women 17 years old and up. 

    This great piece by Kelly Conlin in the Huffington Post ("Women Need a Plan B") details the quiet importance of this moment in contraceptive history - the improvement and approval of a contraceptive without someone on the far right throwing an ill-informed temper tantrum - and frankly it speaks of a refreshing embrace of common sense that many of us really need to hear right now. In the disgraceful circus the sore losers on the right have made out of health care reform the simple, sensible maturity of women quietly opting to get the care they need to prevent unwanted pregnancy is the best single dose of news I've heard in quite some time. 

New Video! "Yum" (aka Sugar Sugar)

Inspired by "Julie and Julia" and my own recent return to the joy of cooking, I decided to make a little video with a few tips on the whole let's-lick-strawberry-sauce-off-each-other that inevitably hits couples - and their poor, lovely, clean, sheets. There's a very practical tip that addresses that in here plus some lovely products from Fairvilla (wait'll you see the donut purse). Enjoy!

New from Sportsheets: Sex in the Shower

       I was tired. I was salty.

       It had been a perfect day at Cocoa Beach – a smallish crowd, some biggish waves and a water temp that was refreshing but comfy – I haven’t been so reluctant to get out of the ocean since I was ten.

       After things began to prune that really shouldn’t prune, though, I had to admit to that wistful feeling of ‘time to go.’ When it’s time to leave the beach, however, there’s another refreshing pleasure to look forward to – the shower. Washing off the sweat and sand can feel just as good as acquiring it.

       One of my Cocoa Beach rituals – along with the shrimp at the Sand Bar and the browsing at Ron Jon’s - is popping into Fairvilla (click here to see the Cocoa location). I have gotten deals on the Cocoa sale rack that either amount to robbery or charity, depending on how you look at it (bonus: this stuff was so sexy that to show you we'd have to be on intimate terms - and neither of us is mature enough for that). Today, though, wearing a film of sunscreen and with salt-matted hair I went right for a new offering: Sex in the Shower.

     Sex in the Shower is a new product line by Sportsheets comprised of items for making the second-most-popular sex location for sex easier to work with. 

       - a dual shower-head so neither one of you ever has to be standing there being chilly and soapy while the other one luxuriates in water

       - a foot rest that allows for a greater variety of positions 

       - suction-locking single and dual handles so you don’t have to hang onto – and summarily break – the towel rack or shower curtain rod (foot rest and dual suction-locking handles pictured right)

       and lots of other stuff.  This is one of those pleasure-doubling ideas, like mixing candy into ice cream that  you look at and think “Why did no one think of this 

before?” I haven’t tried all the Sex in the Shower offerings yet but hopefully will be providing some more insights into them in the future. In the meantime – especially in the final throes of the August heat – it sounds like a great way to get clean and dirty at the same time.

So proud! My first story for Carnal Nation

When the new website Carnal Nation came along recently, with excellent and well-written sex news, commentary, how-to and humor stories and comics it made me think two things: a) "Jeeze, does all that stuff really go on in San Francisco?" and "Wow, this is really good. I'd like to write for them."
     Tada!
     I'm so proud that my first story for Carnal Nation, about the rumors concerning the alleged homoerotic overtones in the upcoming "Sherlock Holmes" movie is up on the site today: The Gay is Afoot! Check it out, post it, pass it on, send it to your friends and when you're done look at the rest of the mag - you're going to love it.

Minnie Me

        Thanks to Dave in Miami for alerting me to this gem, about Johh William Moyer who was convicted  of putting the moves on Minnie Mouse on an outing to Disney. 

        Moyer maintained his innocence but the jury sided went with Britney Duncan McGoldrink, who played Minnie that day and whose comments included "I just couldn't keep his hands off my breasts." This would be bad, dumb behavior anywhere, but it’s especially - almost enchantingly - dumb behavior at Disney where, much to my dismay “Ass-Grab Aladdin” is not yet a ride. On one hand, it seems more likely at Euro Disney, where they serve beer... but what’s to stop you from getting shitfaced at Epcot and zipping over to the Magic Kingdom to pick up those hot, she-vermin with outsized fiberglass heads?.

       And I mean, just think of her, with her hussy-red outfit and her plague-carrying fleas…and those ears are obviously implants. Who wouldn’t go crazy?

Toy Talk: Put That Thing Away

     When part of your job involves talking about sex toys – their quality, materials, power, price, availability, etcetera, people get the impression that you can barely move at home for faux phalluses, that they spill out of the cabinets an adult slapstick sketch and turn up in the fridge like the bunnies in Wallace and Gromit.. Not so. My interests are far-reaching but my tastes are surprisingly simple;  all the novelties I own could fit into a cookie tin (and I better get 'em outta there before this horrid scanerio occurs: Me (mistakenly offering cookies): "Milano?"  Guest: "Holy sh....wow, I like the turqouise").

       So I was mightily impressed when a girlfriend told me that she keeps all her play props in a footlocker. A footlocker. And no, she’s not a professional. But that’s the kind of dedication turns hobbies into a jobs. Just ask Martha Stewart.

       I couldn’t help but think of my footlocker friend when I saw this brilliant story on HomemadeSexToys.com that offers many brainy ways to organize your vibrator collection (including the shoe bag pictured). When that footlocker starts to get tough to close she can always find herself a spice rack. I think Martha would approve.

Why Hot Monkey Love is so Hot

 A friend sends me a dazzling postcard from the island of Corfu in which he says this, and pretty much only this: German primatologists now know why monkeys scream during sex. In a study of Barbary macaques it appears that the female monkeys scream during sex because it helps the males ejaculate. When the females were noisey the male climax rate was 59% as opposed to 2% when they were quiet.

      Jeepers. Doesn't anyone just say "Having a great time wish you were here?" these days?

      Noisey sex keeps coming to my attention. First the monkey study, then a Britcom ...a Britcom...the most staid element of entertainment since the hymn....turns up with an episode about a couple of old swingers keeping everyone awake with their howling and bed-squeaking. When something is drawn to your attention twice in a brief time span it usually means something - I think it means I'm supposed to show you this clip - again, something I recently stumbled across - from "The Four Seasons," a 1981 comedy about three couples who vacation together every year. In this scene one of the guys has brought his much younger girlfriend on a boat trip with the other couples. They're all already driving each other crazy and the noisy screwing of the new pair add insult to injury. Classic: 

This is, by no means, encouragement for you to keep it down. Go ahead - let out your inner monkey. You know you want to make the neighbors jealous.

Don't You Forget About Me

What the hell? It feels like every week we're saying goodbye to another icon. With Michael and Farrah's passing many of us saw our childhood go; now with the death of John Hughes is making our tweens, teens and 20's feel way too far away. Is the universe trying to tell us something? That the past is past and we should move on? Or is it just greedy - and is this what they mean by "all the good ones get taken"?
      No one who came of age in the 80's didn't find soul comfort in the angst and absurdity suffered by just about everyone in John Hughes' films. He captured it - our fashion, romanticism, self-protective-but-unwilling cynicism, kind of like a combination of Camus and Capra: yes, life is absurd, yes, it will show you Jake Ryan and give you Farmer Ted, but if you've got friends, car keys and Oingo Boingo, everything will probably be okay.
       So for giving the world James Spader,  for Annie Potts stapling records to the ceiling, for some of the greatest movie dads ever (Clark Griswold, Mr. Mom, Harry Dean Stanton and Paul Dooley), for the Donger, for Dana Hill dreaming of becoming Mr. Creosote in European Vacation and for letting us know that sometimes we all want Jake Ryan but end up giving our panties to a geek - and for being a perfect mirror - thanks to John Hughes. This was the 80's:

I like it when I bitch and it goes national

"The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it," said Oscar Wilde and I'm pleased to say that having given in to the compulsion to watch the first episode of the Big & Tall reality dating show "More to Love" I didn't watch the second.  My review of episode one, though, was picked up by Alternet so if you missed it the first time, you can check it out here: "Is there really 'More to Love' about the New Reality Dating Show Featuring Larger Women?" My attention may have wandered from the screen, but - and I believe it was Celine Dion who sang this -  my bitching will go on.
     If you do check in with alternet today  have a look at Tara Lohan's eye-opening piece "The Cove: Japan has a Dark Secret it Hopes the World will Never See" about a new documentary on dolphin hunting in Japan. Ric O'Barry, the world famous dolphin trainer who worked on Flipper is now working to free the animals and is the center of this "thriller" as Lohan calls it. If you click on the link you can see a trailer - it looks every bit as suspenseful as whatever the next Matt Damon flick is going to be.
     Since it's a documentary you know it probably won't get as big an audience as, say, "Wife Swap." Sigh. I know it doesn't make any sense, but people don't like too much reality in their reality.

Yes, they're essentially just an upside down firehose, but still...Jet Packs are here!

It may not be about sex and relationships but it’s definitely going to get a lot of people off: finally, FINALLY someone has invented the jet pack.

    Men, anyone who was a kid in the 60’s, and anyone who has ever dreamed of just being able to GTFO of a situation immediately will have an emotional orgasm of the “Dreams do come true!” variety when they see this thing, the primitve start of a chldhood ideal, at work. . True it’s not exactly the futuristic model of perfection that will get you really far really fast – it runs on water and is attached to a 30-foot hose – but it’s a goddamn start and just seeing that someone’s trying to invent the objects of our sci fi lusts lifted my spirits out of the daily details and made me feel twitter-pated.

       Leave it to the Canadians, eh? They (or we…I’m half Cannuck) invented the the We-Vibe, , the Kids in the Hall, SCTV, Keanu, Margaret Atwood and Nanaimo bars. s. Now, God love ‘em, they’re making Saturday afternoon matinees a reality. In case you’re feeling as emotional as I am, here’s a bunch of hockey fans singing the national anthem. Join in, if you wish.

       So, now that they’ve got a start on jet packs I entreat my half brothers and sisters to the north to get cracking on some of the other treats we’ve been promised by sci fi. My list, not in order:

       The What-If Machine (from Futurama – ask it a question, like “What if I hadn’t seen those jet packs on line this morning?” and it will show you how the future might have been)

       Orgasmatron (Sleeper)-

       Babel fish (Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy; fish, which, when inserted in ear, allows you to understand anything in any language that’s said to you)

       Bloop (chimp with werewolf ears, Lost in Space)

       Gay British robot valets (Star Wars)

       A gold-plated Jeeves and a walk-in orgasm closet. What else could anyone need? I’m counting in you, Canada. Have a beer, roll up your sleeves and make my dreams come true.

TOY TALK: A Current Runs Through It

       There's not much in the sexual arena  that it’s still taboo to discuss, so you know you’re in weird territory when you mention something sexual and you can see people take an emotional step back from you. Wanna try it? Just say “Electrosex.” 

       I felt the same way and while I’m not sure it’s quite my thing, Shane Nelson of SLS Specialties does a very good job of explaining products that provide electrical impulses for stimulation. They have to be handled with care - people with heart conditions and definitely people with pacemakers should not use them (some sites recommend not wearing them above the waist) but the principal of e-stim, Shane says, is the same one used by chiropractors used to get the knots out of muscles.

       Take Zeus Electrorgasm, a butterfly-shaped object meant to be worn on the vagina. Essentially it’s a patch with electrodes (the perfect toy for the Bride of Frankenstein. I’m the biggest wuss this side of Milhouse Van Houten, so I waited to be the last on our group to test it on my forearm, so if I yelped in pain fewer people would hear me.

       Some people liked it okay, some people had the juice up as high as it would go and seemed to want more, one yelped “I don’t like it! I don’t like it!” but that’s why Starbucks sells 4000 variations of coffee – everyone is different. The pulses cause little pinching sensations and the higher up you turn it the faster and stronger the pinchies come. I couldn’t get past a 4, but it was fun watching other people’s hands involuntarily twitch, the result of the pulse going through their muscles. For awhile afterward I could feel those sensations and a slight soreness in my arm which I mark down to novelty –when you take your first pilates class you feel that for some time afterwards, too.

       There are quite a lot of electrosex products available at Fairvilla Megastore but please talk at length with the awesomely knowledgeable staff there about how to use them. Trust me –you’ll get more for your money by knowing how to use your purchases, so make time for a chat when you shop. Voltage is good – but knowledge is the real power. 

What's Happening's Nude Party @ Fairvilla Megastore

Pop Quiz: Where might you find the following all under one roof?

       Beer, wine, rum, corsets, dirty books, sushi being served off nude models, adult movies, body-painted stilt-walking dancers, an arsenal of vibrators and lots of people raising lots of money for a good cause.

       a) Heaven

       b) my house

       c) What’s Happening Magazine’s 2009 Nude Party, “Elemental” at Fairvilla Megastore.

       Si, it’s C, with festivities, sales and silent auctions going to raise money for The Avenue Project, in search of a cure for AIDS. We got so many pix at this excellent night out – and blogger seems to only be able to handle 5 at a time – that we’re going to have to show them to you in three posts. First: mermaids, dancers (amazing body painting by Blast FX) other and friends:

Top down: Our gorgeous merman, hot little devil belly dancer, Brendan O'Connor, Scottie Campbell and Jeff Jones; Pom of Pom Pom's Teahouse with Eddie Nickell from Funky Monkey, a young lady whose name we didn't get but who was warmer than she looked, and finally me and What's Happening's famous Danny G. Next up.....nude sushi models....

Out of sequence, not sequins

There are times when Blogger harder to wrangle than a herd of two year-olds - I did try to trick it into putting the following three posts in sequence to no avail, but you'll at least get the idea of what a great party What's Happening Magazine threw at Fairvilla Megastore last week. Enjoy! 

and finally...

Beautiful stilt dancers, beatiful body paint....I wish this girl would walk all over me everywhere I went.