Liz Langley

The Pipedream Fantasy Pleasure Tape in Fairvilla has lots of uses - a non-sticky bondage tool, a blindfold, costuming - and here, sales associate Clarence comes up with a use for it  that everyone has dreamed about but not very many people will ever get to do. Thanks to Doug Rhodehamel for cinematography and Clarence Hannah for being a  one-take wonder. :) Click image above and Enjoy!

     “Boobies, boobies, boobies. Nothin’ but boobies. Who needs ‘em?”                                         Neely O’Hara,  Valley of the Dolls         Whether they’re elegant, sylph-like A-cups, the B’s and C’s of the classic hourglass figure, the juicy, pin-uppy D’s or the lush, voluptuous, DD’s and beyond, the female breast is an American obsession. And why not? Mine have done me a few favors and have made everything I’ve worn since 1978 look twice as good as it should have.         When I consider everything these Barbie beanbag chairs have done for me, I feel like a blue-ribbon dope for waiting until I was 44 to get my first mammogram. I waited for the same kind of reasons anyone might. I’m uninsured....

Let me assure you from jump street that when I pose the question “Why do we so look forward to orgasm?” that it is, indeed, a hypothetical. I kiiiiinda get why, but there are always reasons we do things that are somewhat less than obvious, reasons based in chemistry.   This clip from The History Channel’s “The Brain” features one of my favorite authors, Dr. Helen Fisher,  and details what areas of the brain fire up and shut down before and during orgasm AND how male and female brains differ in the pre-orgasmic and orgasmic states. Fascianting stuff that will probably lead you to some interesting conversations about why the brains of the sexes differ in this way (yes, Dr. Fisher speculates in the clip). More importantly it might lead you to some bar bets that go something like 'So, do you think  you  have an orgasm under the scrutiny of lab conditions...in two minutes? (And since you're going to ask, my answer is....Nope!)

        Flowers. You can’t go wrong with flowers.        Often we confuse the phrase “sensual pleasures” with sexual ones, but sensual really just means something pleasing to the senses, and the vibrating color and voluptuous scent of an abundant flower garden can send the same pulse of pleasure through most people as that perfect bite of cherry pie, a cold beer on a hot day or that just-right smooch on the cheek from someone you love. Pleasure doesn’t always have to be lascivious and it certainly doesn't have to be  complicated.        That’s why I was so pleased to hear that Palmer's Garden Center  (2610 Corrine Drive, Orlando, FL, 407-896-5951) is putting on a fundraiser THIS SATURDAY, AUGUST 22, called “Don’t Be a Boob! Plant a Pot for Breast Cancer!” All day, from 9-5, Palmer’s will be donating a percent of sales to the MD Anderson Cancer Center with “wine and lite bites” from 3-5pm in ho...

        Remember how just a few years ago the book “The Secret” was huge and it told how if you visualized and believed and henpecked the universe that all your dreams would come true? And how everyone bought the book? And now we’re all bankrupt?        Clearly that stuff doesn’t work. I don’t believe in nagging The Force. In fact, I think the more you do needle the universe the more it thinks “Stalker!” and runs as far from you and the giant sucking sound of your neediness as it can.        But I do believe in magic, synchronicity and meaningful coincidences – like the time I lost my wallet in the middle of Georgia and it was found and returned by a woman who lived right near me in Central Florida. I just think they come in forms you don’t expect.        This is all a wordy way of saying I just love it when those “oh-my-god-how-weird!” moments happen and one happened to me...

    Last month the FDA approved a souped-up version of the emergency contraceptive Plan B. The new version is Plan B One-Step, so called because the old version required taking two pills hours apart while the new version requires only the one dose.       Plan B works by providing a high dose the same hormone that makes birth control pills work, thus preventing pregnancy when taken within a 72-hour time frame (its less effective the longer you wait). It's not meant to be a method of birth control - it's meant for emergencies only. Plan B One-step is available over-the-counter to women 17 years old and up.      This great piece by Kelly Conlin in the Huffington Post  ("Women Need a Plan B")  details the quiet importance of this moment in contraceptive history - the improvement and approval of a contraceptive without someone on the far right throwing an ill-informed temper tantrum - and frankly it speaks of a refreshing embrace of common sense that many of us really need...

 A friend sends me a dazzling postcard from the island of Corfu in which he says this, and pretty much only this: German primatologists now know  why monkeys scream during sex . In a study of Barbary macaques it appears that the female monkeys scream during sex because it helps the males ejaculate. When the females were noisey the male climax rate was 59% as opposed to 2% when they were quiet.       Jeepers. Doesn't anyone just say "Having a great time wish you were here?" these days?       Noisey sex keeps coming to my attention. First the monkey study, then a Britcom ...a  Britcom... the most staid element of entertainment since the hymn....turns up with an episode about a couple of old swingers keeping everyone awake with their howling and bed-squeaking. When something is drawn to your attention twice in a brief time span it usually means something - I think it means I'm supposed to show you this clip - again, something I recentl...

What the hell? It feels like every week we're saying goodbye to another icon. With Michael and Farrah's passing many of us saw our childhood go; now with the death of John Hughes is making our tweens, teens and 20's feel way too far away. Is the universe trying to tell us something? That the past is past and we should move on? Or is it just greedy - and is this what they mean by "all the good ones get taken"?       No one who came of age in the 80's didn't find soul comfort in the angst and absurdity suffered by just about everyone in John Hughes' films. He captured it - our fashion, romanticism, self-protective-but-unwilling cynicism, kind of like a combination of Camus and Capra: yes, life is absurd, yes, it will show you Jake Ryan and give you Farmer Ted, but if you've got friends, car keys and Oingo Boingo, everything will probably be okay.        So for giving the world James Spader,  for Annie Potts stapling records to the c...

It may not be about sex and relationships but it’s definitely going to get a lot of people off: finally, FINALLY someone has invented the jet pack.     Men, anyone who was a kid in the 60’s, and anyone who has ever dreamed of just being able to GTFO of a situation immediately will have an emotional orgasm of the “Dreams do come true!” variety when they  see this thing, the primitve start of a chldhood ideal, at work.   . True it’s not exactly the futuristic model of perfection that will get you really far really fast – it runs on water and is attached to a 30-foot hose – but it’s a goddamn start and just seeing that someone’s trying to invent the objects of our sci fi lusts lifted my spirits out of the daily details and made me feel twitter-pated.        Leave it to the Canadians, eh? They (or we…I’m half Cannuck) invented the the We-Vibe,   , the Kids in the Hall, SCTV, Keanu, Margaret Atwood and Nanaimo bars.  s . Now, God love ‘em, they’re making Saturday afternoon matinees a real...

Pop Quiz: Where might you find the following all under one roof?        Beer, wine, rum, corsets, dirty books, sushi being served off nude models, adult movies, body-painted stilt-walking dancers, an arsenal of vibrators and lots of people raising lots of money for a good cause.        a) Heaven        b) my house        c) What’s Happening Magazine’s 2009 Nude Party, “Elemental” at Fairvilla Megastore.        Si, it’s C, with festivities, sales and silent auctions going to raise money for The Avenue Project, in search of a cure for AIDS. We got so many pix at this excellent night out – and blogger seems to only be able to handle 5 at a time – that we’re going to have to show them to you in three posts. First: mermaids, dancers (amazing body painting by Blast FX) other and friends: Top down: Our gorgeous merman, hot little devil belly...

Beautiful stilt dancers, beatiful body paint....I wish this girl would walk all over me everywhere I went.